Sometimes, traditional ways of dealing with grief don't work for everyone. If you’ve lost someone you love, you know how hectic it can be in the months that follow—figuring out the obituary, funeral service, and burial, coordinating family travel, and tackling the complicated logistics that accompany loss, all while reeling from the shock and the whirlwind of emotions. Sometimes it can feel like you've lost control or you're just running on autopilot, going through the motions.
And then, when all that is over, reality hits you like a ton of bricks. You're left standing there, wondering how to move forward from this point. Sure, you've probably gotten a lot of hugs and heard plenty of supportive words from doctors, friends, and family members, but it can be difficult to even listen to what they are saying—it can all feel like a blur.
When this happens, it can be helpful to explore grief support resources in order to process your emotions. One of the best ways to do that is to talk them out. But when talking to your closest friends or even a mental health professional doesn’t seem to work, sharing your experiences with someone who is going through the same process can be a genuine way to feel validated and remind yourself that you are not alone. That’s where Death Cafes can help.
Despite the name, a Death Cafe is not a coffee shop in the traditional sense; it is a free social event that may take place in different locations where people who have suffered loss come together in a relaxed, non-judgmental space to chat openly about death, share their experiences, and ask questions. What makes Death Cafes a unique concept is that they are designed with no agenda, objectives, or themes—just simply a place where people can talk about death and loss.
In this article, we'll give you the inside scoop on what to expect when you join a Death Cafe and how to find one near you.
What is a Death Cafe?
People often feel uncomfortable or unsure about approaching end-of-life discussions, frequently avoiding the topic altogether. A Death Cafe is a non-profit get-together that provides a comfortable space where people, often strangers, gather to “eat cake, drink tea, and discuss death.”
A Brief History
Deathcafe.com was founded in 2011 by Jon Underwood and his mother, Sue Barsky Reid. They were inspired by the ideas of Swiss sociologist Bernard Crettaz, who organized the first Café Mortel in 2004.
Underwood hosted his first Death Cafe event in 2011 at his Hackney, East London home. Inspired to continue facilitating honest conversations about death with the comfort of food and drinks, he developed the Death Cafe website. Today, over 9,000 Death Cafes have taken place in more than 66 countries worldwide.
Although they are usually held in cafes, the versatility of these pop-up events allows their trained volunteers to facilitate them in different locations, such as community centers, public libraries, and even people's homes.
It's important to highlight that a Death Cafe is not professional therapy—quite the opposite. Instead, it’s meant to be a supportive environment created in an informal setting that invites individuals who may be hesitant to seek formal support to open up and express their feelings. It is a safe place to have a break, sit calmly, and talk about death with others.
By fostering a community and connection among participants from various backgrounds, Death Cafes offer a raw sense of shared humanity that many feel is lacking in more clinical or therapeutic settings.
The Death Cafe Experience
When considering joining a Death Cafe for the first time, you might wonder what to expect. First things first—take a deep breath and relax. You don't need to be nervous or feel like you must prepare a big speech. The whole ethos of Death Cafes is aimed at removing the pressure and stigma that can sometimes be associated with discussions about death and traditional support groups. It's all about being yourself and just sharing what's on your mind.
Walking into the cafe (or other setting), you'll see people sitting together in a group, either around a table or in a circle, depending on where the event occurs. The person leading the session will warmly welcome and review any guidelines to ensure everyone feels safe and comfortable. Remember that Death Cafe is meant to be driven by the group, so the conversation is shaped by each person's unique thoughts and experiences.
You might hear people talking about all sorts of topics related to death, dying, and the grieving process. They could be sharing personal stories, discussing the importance of living life to the fullest, exploring beliefs about death and dying, opening up about fears or challenges, or talking about the emotions and anxiety that come with losing someone close to them.
Joining a Death Cafe allows you to connect with people from all walks of life. Some might be there because they're just interested, others might have gone through a personal experience with death, and some might want to explore their thoughts about mortality.
The best part? Death Cafes are happening worldwide, so there's a good chance you can find one near you. If you are curious and want to try something new, hop online and search for the next event in your area. Or, if you prefer, you can even join a free virtual gathering from the comfort of your own home.
The Most Universal Human Experience
Talking about death can be super uncomfortable for a lot of people. But have you ever stopped to think about why that is? Death is something we all experience at some point in our lives; it's a universal concept that connects us all.
For many of us, our first brush with loss might be when a beloved pet or an older relative passes away. If you've gone through that, you probably remember how strange and confusing it felt and how difficult it was to understand what it all meant.
That's where Death Cafes come in. They offer you a chance to express those confusing emotions and share your fears and concerns with others who get it. You may even find those inner worries don’t feel as overwhelming when you talk about them and realize you’re not alone in feeling this way.
In a society that can often be squeamish and averse to talking about death, these gatherings are helping people face this topic head-on instead of avoiding and internalizing it. By encouraging more honest and open conversations about death and end-of-life issues, Death Cafes are helping us be better prepared for the grieving process, or even our own death, when we inevitably must face it.
Other Unconventional Grief Support Networks
If you feel like you need something else, something different than traditional therapy or counseling, something that truly adapts to your unique grieving needs, there are a variety of other support alternatives in addition to Death Cafes. Here are some ideas you can explore to help cope with grief:
Meditation Retreats
If socializing isn’t really your thing and you’d prefer to focus on self-care and wellness, meditation retreats can provide a supportive and peaceful environment.
These retreats often include guided sessions such as yoga classes, breathing exercises, or journaling spaces focused on emotional release and healing.
Grief retreats provide a space for you to gain the inner tools necessary to cope with pain. At a time when complete isolation from social activities may feel like the only way to deal with your emotions, these spaces offer a relaxed and no-pressure setting to connect with others and work on yourself—on your terms.
Cooking Classes
Did you know cooking classes can be a form of therapy? It's a great approach that combines the joys of cooking with the support of being in a group. Whether you're a kitchen pro or more of a take-out kind of person, these classes can be a fantastic way to cope with loss.
When you step into the kitchen, you can unlock so many memories. The sights, sounds, and smells can transport you to another time and place. Imagine catching a whiff of cinnamon and suddenly being taken back to your grandma's kitchen when you were a little kid. You might remember the smell of her famous apple crumble baking in the oven and her warm, comforting smile.
Food and drink can be a holistic healing experience that engages all your senses. Plus, learning how to cook a loved one’s favorite dishes and recipes is a great way to honor their memory.
Nature-Based Therapy
Spending time in nature can work wonders for your healing process. It might seem simple, but being outdoors and getting in touch with the rhythms and cycles of life can be so revitalizing. Feeling the sun's warmth on your skin, taking a deep breath of fresh air, or waking up to birds singing in the morning—can heighten the senses and increase awareness, both physically and mentally.
You don't have to be a hardcore hiker or outdoorsman to enjoy the benefits of nature. Gardening classes or playing board games in the park can be just as rewarding as a multi-day backpacking excursion. There's something about being surrounded by nature that brings a sense of calmness and energy, which can help you on your healing journey.
Crafting Workshops
Participating in arts and crafts naturally invites you to explore your inner thoughts and feelings. Working with your hands and being creative can help quiet external noise and get you in touch with yourself and your lost loved one. You can try out all sorts of fun workshops, like scrapbooking, quilt-making, or even jewelry-making. Creating something tangible to honor your loved one is therapeutic and gives you a unique keepsake to cherish forever.
If jewelry workshops sound like your thing, you might even consider bringing some of your loved one's favorite jewelry pieces and giving them a personal touch. It's a beautiful way to combine your soul with theirs, creating a unique part of them you can wear and cherish.
The Eterneva Community
The success of Death Cafes shows how building a strong community and sharing feelings and experiences are great ways to cope with grief. At Eterneva, we get it. We’ve been helping people deal with loss since our beginning, creating memorial diamonds from the ashes of loved ones and working with them to navigate the complexities of grief, loss, and healing. From the moment you decide you want to turn your loved one's ashes into diamonds to the moment you receive your beautiful diamond to hold and cherish, we are with you every step of the way.
Eterneva encourages the community to share their experiences openly throughout their grief journey. You can send pictures, quotes, and stories about your loved one, allowing you to celebrate their life and keep their memory alive. You can also join a live social media feed weekly to welcome new customers to Eterneva and listen to heartfelt stories of life and loss. It's a beautiful way to connect with others who truly understand what you're going through.
We know losing a loved one is one of life's most devastating and significant events, and it can feel incredibly overwhelming and isolating. These were remarkable souls in your life, and we know you want to continue to keep them close. But we also understand the need for community and support during these difficult times. That’s why our process provides personalized, one-of-a-kind jewelry that represents your unique bond as well as ongoing emotional support during every step of the diamond journey.
